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  • June 2008
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  • December 2007

David Letterman’s Top Ten List tonight (maybe a rerun - I don’t know) was the “Top Ten Excuses Made by The Man Who Had Sex With A Picnic Table.”

Letterman pretended to end the show at that point, citing the end of civilization as his reason.

But I think most of us gave up on civilization a long time ago. My question is just…I mean…what? How?

I mean…I can see a Teddy bear…even a car (exhaust pipe)…but a picnic table? Can someone try this and report in?

The only thing I can think of is that the table was less of a stereotypical picnic table and more of a regular outdoor patio picnic table with a slot built into it for holding an umbrella.

But even then…what did he do? Stuff the umbrella with cotton? Why not just buy a Teddy bear?

Civilization isn’t over…it’s just trying to find ways to keep things interesting. What else do we have to do?

And one more thing…who is the anonymous person from the article that sent in three DVDs of table-sex footage? Shouldn’t the police be looking for this person as well? Who videotapes a person having sex with a picnic table that many times, or for that long?

My life has changed forever in these past few days. Last night I did it, and tonight I’m doing it again. What did I do last night? What am I doing now…again?

Watching Baywatch.

Baywatch came on the TV, and I didn’t change the channel. Twice. You know why?

Because I can’t believe that it exists. Baywatch…exists. What?

Did you watch Baywatch? Why?

It’s so horrible. But I am too tired and too poor to do anything else…

…do only poor people watch Baywatch?

A friend sent me a link to this YouTube video the other day with a note that said that it reminded him of me. Unfortunately, I think he’s talking about the narrator:

Happy Tuesday Wednesday Animals.